Redamancy (n.); the act of loving the one who loves you; a love returned in full.

I love love.

I always have. Weddings, romantic gestures, chick flicks, etc. I love the feeling of being loved. I love having my affection returned. Not in big, expensive ways; in small ways. Picking a wildflower and handing it to me, a kiss on the forehead when he feels like it, random text messages to tell me he loves me or is proud of me, bringing home my favorite candy bar, renting my favorite movie, a spontaneous picnic... All of the above make me feel loved and none of the above cost hundreds of dollars. It's about the gesture, not the dollar amount. it is the little things that show that a person loves you and it's the little things that make you fall in love with them everyday.

On the 28th of this month, I celebrated my first wedding anniversary. We went on a brief "staycation" to The Davenport Hotel in our city and enjoyed the amenities that the hotel had to offer. We did this, not because it was the nicest hotel in town, but because we stayed there on our wedding night. It had sentimental meaning for us. If we had stayed at The Holiday Inn, we would have gone back there for our anniversary! Needless to say, it was amazing. The hotel contains so much life and history. Being a tourist in your own city is fun!

I love adventuring with my sweetheart. I love the fact that I got married at 21 because it means that I have the rest of my life to have adventures with my best friend.

Marriage is hard. In my last 365 days as a married woman, I have realized that. But it's a different kind of difficult than I anticipated. It's a difficult passion. I have to fight for my marriage everyday. Some days are easier than others. Some days the battles are few and far between. However, each day, I have to make a conscious and unselfish decision to put someone else's life before my own. I have to step outside of my own mind, consider someone else's feelings, bite my tongue, and make efforts to show him I love him everyday. Marriage is moving the ladle from one drawer to another silently instead of scolding the person for putting it in the wrong place. Marriage is doing the other person's dishes from the last three days. Marriage is buying the toothpaste with the attached cap because otherwise someone will lose it and picking up their clothes from the bathroom because they were in a hurry and couldn't waste four seconds.

I don't pretend to be an expert in the ways of marriage or relationships. I learn something new every day. However, over the last year, there have been three predominant things that I have learned.

1. Love is patient and kind...

Whew! This one is a tough one. My husband and I are both passionate people. This is both a good and a bad thing. We look toward the future and go at it with determination and perseverance. We also both get into heated arguments. It's not that we are necessarily that angry, we are just passionate. In the words of Dick Van Dyke, "I'm not yelling at you, I'm yelling at me, you're just in the way"! Something I have to remember is that in the midst of an argument, my husband loves me. We are having this discussion because he loves me. In the heat of the moment, sometimes things are said that are not correctly articulated. I have to be patient and kind in giving him the benefit of the doubt that he didn't mean to hurt me with his words, he just hadn't had the chance to articulate what he was saying. Additionally, I have to give him the opportunity to complete his thoughts in full before I respond. I am not a patient person, so this has stretched me in ways I didn't know was possible. I definitely haven't mastered this, but I am trying.

2. His love language is not always my love language... Be observant...

Everyone shows their love in different ways. Love languages are critical to understanding your spouse. The way I feel loved is when my husband affirms me with words and spends time with me; when he tells me I'm pretty, tells me he loves me or is proud of me, sits on the couch with me, takes me on a date, on a walk, or otherwise, I feel most loved. However, he shows his love with his actions. He shows love by working in the yard, painting, cleaning, etc. I have realized that I am not always observant to these actions. I think he's avoiding me because he is working outside all day instead of spending time with me and talking to me. Just because he does things differently than I do, doesn't mean something is wrong. When I don't feel loved, I have to stop and appreciate the little (and big) things that I SEE. That's not to say that each spouse shouldn't incorporate the other's love languages into their actions... It's important to be aware of the other's thoughts and feelings and to support the way they feel loved. However, I can't disregard all the things he has done as not good enough for me. Be observant.

3. Marriage is not always beautiful and that's okay...

Marriage is a beautiful thing, yes. It's an incredible thing to be so enamored with another person to the point that they become your best friend and closest confidant is a magical thing. However, it is not sunshine and roses all the time. It's tears and arguments. It's dirty dishes and clothes strewn about. It's arguing about when the laundry will be done and the best way to clean the bathroom. It's learning the ins and outs of another person and sometimes that isn't pretty. We as humans are broken... pieced together by God and given a new purpose. Broken dishes, even when put back together, are not as magnificent as they once were. However, showing someone the ugly parts of you, the baggage and hurt, and having them accept you as you are, is magnificent. It's such a blessing to be so intimately loved by another person for who you are, no matter what.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

#love #marriage