Mizpah (n.); the deep emotional bond between people.

So, my little brothers are graduation in twenty-four hours. I'm having some major moments of sisterly sentimentality. We are only four years apart (they're twins), but I still can't believe this is happening. I have been so proud of the young men they have become and the values they have chosen to pursue in their last eighteen years. They have both worked hard to make it to their high school graduation and deserve to be celebrated. I am so impressed with their passions and pursuit of their artistic interests. They both have such a creative nature, though their variation of such could not be more different.

Additionally, my younger sister (2 years younger) arrived yesterday from California where she has been part of the Disney College Program. If you don't know what that is, Google it, because you need to know how amazing it is! However, in short, she works in Disneyland! She's an adventurer; so different than I. She gives a new meaning to the term "wanderlust". The older sister in me is in awe of how my siblings are following the plan that God has placed in front of them. My heart is so full right now.

And now, because my siblings would roll their eyes if I dedicated an entire blog post to my big-sister-mushy-gushy-sentimental-emotional thoughts, we will move on.

There's a reason for the title beyond detailing the emotional bond I have with my family.

I have a hard time trusting people. I understand that isn't an uncommon problem, and if you have this same problem, you'll understand what I am saying.

I don't honestly have much of a reason to not trust people. Nothing major happened in my life to bring this about. I just tend to feel things stronger than others and invest a lot of time and effort into certain things that I am passionate about and for. When that investment is betrayed, it breaks that bond. Hard. Then I put up walls. Probably more than I should. I tend to shut down and reevaluate my actions and what I could have done to cause things to go awry.

Here's the biggest thing that I struggle with... Proverbs 4:23 says to guard your heart above all else, right? Unfortunately, I think I have taken that out of context. Yes, this is important. Yes, guarding one's heart is essential to living a healthy life. But that doesn't mean hardening your heart and stop letting anyone in. The second half of the verse says "for everything you do flows from it". How can love and grace flow from my heart, if I don't allow love and grace to penetrate my heart?

Super duper honesty time, I had a hard time letting my husband it. When we were dating, and even in our marriage. My husband loves me, I know that. But the part of me that has a hard time trusting people, is still skeptical sometimes. I have to force myself out of the box. This means sharing intimate thoughts and feelings with my husband. Becoming vulnerable with someone is an incredible thing. That being said, I have chosen that one person to be vulnerable with for my entire life. I haven't shared all of those intimate moments of my life with anyone else. Early on, I didn't make those selective decisions and thus, got burned and had my heartbroken more than was necessary.

I conditioned myself to close people out. I was tired of being hurt. However, I am not discovering, that "guarding your heart" doesn't mean that you pick one or two people to be your only friends and that's it. It doesn't means you start taking applications for friendship. It means to use discernment. It's not that you have to be pretentious and choose those you feel are the best of the best. I have learned that I can open my heart and show love to everyone but at the same time choose only a few people to truly let into the deepest parts of my life. My husband being number one, and my two best friends being the others.

When you let too many people in, you get hurt more often and your personality and characteristics will change. If you've ever been hurt, you know that. You question people more, you second guess yourself. That's a really difficult way to live. Trust me, I know. Be careful with your heart, dear one. You deserve more than to second guess yourself.

Above all else guard your heart for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23

#love #heart #bond